Detroit Suck City

Well, it happened again. The Rangers go into Detroit for a 3-game series with the Tigers, and get swept. That makes 11 straight losses for the FIRST PLACE RANGERS in Detroit. Tigers come to Texas? No problem. The Rangers can win. Rangers go to Detroit? Big problem. Rangers never win. I thought about this day and night for like 3 weeks in a row, and I have some suggestions as to why the Rangers cannot win in Detroit. Maybe it is all of these things, maybe just one, or maybe a few, but I do think the answer is somewhere on this list.

- If they win, they are afraid that Eminem will rap about killing them on his next "album"
- They are afraid that the UAW bosses are gonna break their kneecaps until the UAW's demands are met
- The city was founded by the French
- They can't get "Detroit Rock City" out of their heads (or any other crappy KISS song for that matter) and it is terribly distracting
- Iggy Pop still refuses to put his shirt on and helps his hometown team by dancing (read: writhing in apparent pain) in front of the Rangers dugout thus driving the team back to the locker room
- It is impossible to focus on the game when you are afraid that your car is getting stolen in the stadium parking lot
- They figure if they play bad enough in Detroit, the yahoos in D.C. will give them billions of dollars (which Tom Hicks could desperately use)
- It is the most liberal big city in America and nothing can perform well when liberalism rules the day...and I mean nothing
- Tigers is a really scary mascot
- There is a constant fear that their CEO will be fired by the federal government and replaced with a puppet leader that will do everything he is told

Well, it's got to be one of those things, but the Rangers don't have another game in Detroit this year, unless they meet in the playoffs, so they should be fairly safe. Phewww.

Go Texas Rangers.