Chanson du Jour

Johnny B. Goode by Chuck Berry. The interviewees in the song keep talking about Chuck Berry. Chuck Berry this. Chuck Berry that. But, we all know that Mr. Berry plagiarized this song after his cousin called him and let him listen to the song as Michael J. Fox played it. But, if Fox doesn't care, I guess I don't either.

Chanson du Jour

The musical stylings of Jamie Cullum. Enjoy What A Difference A Day Made by Jamie Cullum

Chanson du Jour

Just for Anonymous. Hope you like this one. Sweet Thing by Van Morrison

Chanson du Jour

Enjoy Be Gentle With Me by The Boy Least Likely To featuring The Office's Rashida Jones

Chanson du Jour

I can already see the witty, punny, negative comment from Anonymous using the title of this song. We'll see what he/she comes up with. Enjoy Someone Cares by Jeremy Jay

My Bad

So, AK and I went grocery shopping at the local Target the other day to give Cami a little break to sleep (read: do work). Everything was going famously: we got the squeaky cart, I have no idea where anything is in Target (don't usually grocery shop there), etc. We were having a dandy little time and then the time came to check out, pay, and go home. That is when I learned a very important lesson.

As I was getting ready to leave, the cashier noticed I had a youngen with me and made a comment. To which I said "Yeah I have babysitting duty this afternoon". BIG MISTAKE. The lady behind me, checking out with her 10ish year old daughter looked at me in the eye and said with a snarky tone "I got news for you. If you're the father, it's not called babysitting. It's called being a father." Whoa! Bitter much? My bad. I was joking. She was not. So, lesson learned. I can never babysit my own child. I can only father her. Well, at least according to the sassafras behind me at Target.

But, the best thing about this encounter was that she handed me a baby care pamphlet to help me be a good babysitter father. Here are some of the highlights from this instruction manual.

So, we were having trouble with the pictures from "the manual". Click Here for the hilarity.

Chanson du Jour

Worm's Head by Joker's Daughter

What A Day

Let's talk about the day that Darren O'Day had yesterday (does anyone else feel I have overused the word "day" in that sentence?). Who is Darren O'Day? Good question.

Yesterday, he was sitting at home in Florida when he got a call from his agent. "The Texas Rangers have picked you up on waivers. They are playing the Toronto Blue Jays tonight. You need to be there." So, Darren gets on a plane and lands in Toronto at 9:45 pm and immediately goes straight to the stadium. The game was still going on and was in extra innings. In the bottom of the 11th, with a runner in scoring position, the Rangers called in Mr. O'Day to pitch. As he is coming onto the field, his teammates were looking at the scoreboard to find out who this guy was. THEY HAD NEVER MET HIM! He gets to the mound and the infielders come to the mound, SHAKE HIS HAND AND INTRODUCE THEMSELVES. Wait, it gets worse.

He didn't have a uniform, so he was wearing Kason Gabbard's jersey. So ghetto. I love the Rangers.

Just thought y'all would find that as funny as I did. Maybe not. Peace.



Oh, by the way, he faced one batter, gave up a weak single, a run scored, and the Rangers lost. Welcome to Arlington Darren O'Day.

Good Game Plan

The Penguins, in the NHL, are up 3-1 in their playoff series with cross-state rival, the Philadelphia Fliers. Despite that the coach has decided to go to drastic measures to win the series. I hope it works. Check out this headline to find out what he is changing. Some people will do anything to win.

Oh A Mighty Wind's A Blowin'

We had a mild Texas thunderstorm last Friday and this is what the result was (seriously, it was a pretty weak storm - this tree was just weak sauce, man) .


Cami was none too pleased about how Mother Nature had redecorated her front lawn, so naturally something had to be done. We made one call, Paul Bunyan came, dropped Babe off at the vet, and helped us get rid of this mess (the chainsaw is a little blurry because it was wreaking havoc on the lumber).


Thanks to T-LeS and Paul B-izzle for the help. Thanks to the City of Plano for picking up the woodpile for free fifty free.

Chanson du Jour

Demons by Guster

Parenting Analysis

Well, in almost 5 years of married life, Cami and I have owned/parented plants, fish, a dog, and now AK. But, the plants and fish don't count because they die way too easy. We have learned a lot about parenting from Molly and are getting to try out what we learned on AK (lucky her). So, here are some similarities and differences between Molly and AK, just FYI.

Similarities
1. They will both whine and wimper until you feed them
2. The world is their bathroom - AK puts it in the Huggies and Molly puts it in the backyard, but other than that there are no rules or boundaries
3. Neither of them eat veggies - AK has no teeth and Molly, just the other day, licked the cheese and mayo off a felled tomato, but left the tomato right there on the ground (this would be the same dog that eats sticks, grass, bugs, etc)
4. They both hate baths - Molly is very wary of the tub but poor AK just gets thrown right in (Molly just gets thrown in as well, but much less often)
5. Neither of them have ever turned down food - Molly struck gold the other day when Cami and I had a communication breakdown and both gave her breakfast and AK just eats til she spits up (they need to make an auto shut-off for babies like they have on gas pumps so they know when they are full and can then shut it down; but for now my shirt will work just fine as a place to ralph)

Differences
1. Very different musical taste - Molly, if you catch her in a moment of honesty, will tell you she loves Radiohead and Meatloaf and AK, judging by her reactions, loves Il Divo and death metal.
2. AK doesn't really like to poop outside. Molly loves it
3. Molly will do anything for a belly scratch. She will subtly flop on her back right in front of anyone and wag her tail until she is scratched. AK gives you this constipated/concerned look if you ever scratch her tummy. I think she might be ticklish, but time will tell
4. Molly hates thunderstorms. She will head into the master closet and wait it out (I have still never figured out what is so safe about the closet), while AK will continue whatever she is doing
5. Molly will sleep anytime, anywhere. AK sleeps when she is good and ready. No sooner, no later
6. AK loves Coen brothers movies (I swear I heard her quoting Raising Arizona the other day - or maybe it was Miller's Crossing...She may or may not have said "Are you giving me the high hat?" when we told her she couldn't eat) and Molly only likes movies about dogs.

What's In A Number?

When I say "21", what do you think? That Kevin Spacey movie? Blackjack? Drinking age? Adulthood? College? 7 X 3? 28 - 9 + 2?

Here is what I think of. THE ABUSE THE SPURS ADMINISTERED TO THE MAVS LAST NIGHT. 21 point victory. Questions anyone? Anyone? Anyone? That's what I thought.

Perfect Gift For Our Liberal Friends

Check it out

Just One Of Those Things

Yesterday I found myself asking AK "Who's my big girl?" when she was trying to move and as I was noticing that she has gained weight. Then I realized that phrase has an expiration date. Right now, it's ok. When she's a teenager the day I ask her "Who's my big girl?" is the last day she talks to me and gets an eating disorder. Any advice would be helpful here. When is the expiration date for that phrase? I just want to be safe.

AK Would Agree

I was talking with little AK last night about some of the male babies she has gotten to know. She had some pretty harsh comments for some of her contemporaries. I talked to her about this product and she said that every MIB sufferer should have one of these. Without question. She said it would greatly improve their social status. I don't know, but she sure felt strongly about it. AK knows best.

Fun Monkey Disease

For the fans of Flight of the Conchords.

Chanson du Jour

Motivation by Delta Spirit

Chanson du Jour

Sofa Song by The Kooks

Melancholy

Today is not a good day for the Kevinator. Spurs lose. Rangers lose (to the Royals? 2 games in a row? Come on gents). A sad day indeed. My day will come. Oh it will come. The Mavs better watch out.

Chanson du Jour

Let me list a few reasons I am not at the Jimmy Buffett concert, right now.

1) No Anonymous to go with
2) Didn't feel like watching drunk men pee in the sink again - handwashing is obsolete at these concerts
3) If I wanted to be around a bunch of RVs and motor homes, I would go to a Nascar event
4) Radiohead wasn't opening for him
5) I think AK is a little young to appreciate such goings on

So, enjoy a cut from the man himself with me.

Cheeseburger in Paradise by Jimmy Buffett

Chanson du Jour

Better late than never. Wires and Waves by Rilo Kiley.

Chanson du Jour

Another math equation for everyone:

Spanish baritone
+ Swiss tenor
+ American tenor
+ French pop singer
________________________
I have no idea what they are singing, but it put the baby to sleep just now


I wonder if the Verizon employees can handle that math. Simon Cowell put this operatic Backstreet Boys together after hearing Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman do their thing. Enjoy Solo Otra Vez by Il Divo.

Can You Hear Me Now?

A few weeks ago, Cami and I had a fun run-in with Verizon Wireless an unnamed cellular telephone service providing company. She got a new phone which required some fancy setup. Without getting into the nitty gritty boring details, we used MY phone upgrade to get the phone and we told them that we were going to switch the phone numbers as soon as we got home. We explained everything to them and they understood.

Long story short, they messed up our account and actually froze our account so that no changes could be made (we had exceeded the limit one can make to an account in one month, which is 3 - I asked them repeatedly to tell me the 3 changes we had made and NEVER got an answer). So, those of you who know our numbers are aware of this, Cami has been using her phone and my phone number and I have been using my phone and her phone number. In other words, until today, everyone that called Cami came to my phone. I had to then call her and let her know she received a call, and vice versa.

Now, just to be clear, I am by no means upset by this. It takes a lot to upset me, but this is just comical to me. I spent 1.5 hours at the store the day it happened to try and get it fixed only to be told there in NOTHING anyone can do. So, we just had to wait. Not mad. Just hilarious. Then I found this clip that, although on a different topic, is very reminiscent of my experience with this company's employees.

If this doesn't give you frustrated face, I don't know what will.



In case you:
1) Are still confused
2) Are not a mathematician
3) Have never taken a Warren Brunson class (that's for you, dear)
4) Have no idea why this video is on the blog
5) Don't see what the problem is
6) Are not good with decimals
7) Do not pay attention to details
8) Or just don't care

.2 cents is equal to .002 dollars. The rate is .2 cents or .002 dollars, but not .002 cents. Just in case you didn't catch that.

Chanson du Jour

Romantic Type by The Pigeon Detectives. One of my favorite band names ever.

Chanson du Jour

Ain't No Rest For The Wicked by Cage the Elephant

Another Fun Day At TMS

In the great tradition of my father, I have gotten really into Nascar lately. I always made fun of him for liking Nascar, but he remained strong. I have since realized that there is nothing more enjoyable than packing up my family and 38 of my closest redneck friends and driving in my truck and fifth wheel to a Nascar event. Traffic, heat, loud noises, watching cars just drive around in circles really fast, drunks, sweat, warm milk for the victor, angry losers, holding grudges...I mean this sport has everything.

So, when Nascar came to the Texas Motor Speedway (TMS) the other day, Cami and I couldn't pass it up. We were lucky enough to find a fellow Republican, I mean Nascar fan, to get a picture of me enjoying the race. Unfortunately, Jr. didn't win. That sissy girl Jeff Gordon won. Let's slash his tires.

Cami, sitting on my right, was at the concession stand when this picture was taken. The husband of the woman on my left took the picture. When Cami came back, we wanted to take another picture, but Cami didn't want to be in the picture. I have no idea why. We will have to ask her. Thanks to my friend for doing me a solid with the shaving. Cami wouldn't do that either.

Obama Suggests New Slogan For Republican Party

Let's face it. Whether you like the man or not, Obama runs a good campaign. Plus, as a bipartisan, he is genuinely concerned that everyone's voice is heard and considered (I mean just take a look at all zero of the Republicans that vote for his fantasy island concoctions...errr.....bills). I was reading a report today that talked about Obama and how bad he felt that Republicans are getting smashed in recent elections. He just couldn't believe that Al Franken won in Minnesota and just felt really bad. He said action must be taken.

So, in his infinite generosity and benevolence, he has helped the Republican Party come up with a new slogan for the 2010 campaign. He has even given the RNC permission to use the slogan against him in 2012. Here is the slogan:



I have two thoughts on this. 1) Why did he steal the slogan from a children's book? and 2) Why does he not include the Republican Party's apathy for poor people and minorities? I mean, it is clear Republicans don't like old people, but there are many more people they want to alienate.

I don't know. I don't think it's a good idea, but Michael Steele loves it. I can just see it now...Romney 2012 - Who cares about elderly people? It just doesn't have a nice ring to it.

Chanson du Jour

Sweet Tangerine by The Hush Sound. I really like these gents and lady. Good, catchy stuff.

For Our Trip To The Zoo

You know what they say. All the books and manuals and doctor's advice in the whole world will never make up for a parent's instinct. That is how parents do stuff like this. I should watch and learn.


see more pwn and owned pictures

Chanson du Jour

For Anonymous

Everyday People by Sly & The Family Stone

Here is a great video clip, but has the n-word. If that offends you, do not click. If not, enjoy Hot Fun In The Summertime and Don't Call Me N-, Whitey by Sly & The Family Stone

If You Leave Me Now by Chicago


The Locomotion by Grand Funk Railroad

I never knew the lead singer was a professional wrestler...

A Horse With No Name by America


For i blog, though she has been noticeably absent this week

Many critics, music people, musicians, and common people (like i blog) agree that The Rise And Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars by Mr. Bowie is the greatest album of all time. Here is a cut from that 1972 album. Starman by David Bowie.

While I am not too sure it is my favorite album of all time, this is a great album, I will admit that. Genius

For everyone (but me)

Hotel California by Eagles


And for good measure, Already Gone by Eagles

Just a factoid for you Eagles fans, the name of the group, as far as I can tell, is Eagles not The Eagles. Apparently, according to Steve Martin's autobiography and wikipedia, Glenn Frey was adamant that the word "the" not be in the name of the band. Huh.

For me (and Anonymous, I'm guessing)

Pencil Thin Mustache by Jimmy Buffett

Chanson du Jour

70s week continues with the Queen of 70s pop. Elton John. Bennie And The Jets.


Were y'all (meaning those alive and in the music scene in the 70s) really blindsided when you found out this man was a fruit? That seems shocking to me.

Everyone Poops

What can you say? Spike Jonze is the best. This proves it.

2-0 Baby

I don't want to jinx this thing or anything, but did anyone notice that the Rangers are 2-0? That's right. Undefeated. Again, I don't want to use hyperbole or overhype here, but we may be looking at the greatest baseball team in the history of the MLB. Again, I don't want to get ahead of myself. But, what we are seeing is astounding. Go Rangers.

Chanson du Jour

No, the song is not called Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog and no, it is not sung by CCR. It is Joy To The World by Three Dog Night

Payback, If Necessary

In case Baby J decides to act up in the upcoming months, I have already plotted my revenge. As soon as she is mobile, she will be earning her keep with this.

Chanson du Jour

It is a crying shame that the youth of today think that Jimmy Page is some guy that played guitar for a Puff Daddy song on the Godzilla soundtrack. We need to let them know of the greatness of Led Zeppelin.

Black Dog


Misty Mountain Hop

Daddy Dialogues

The babe is 3.5 weeks old now and the wife and I have learned many lessons. Here are some new lessons that many may consider common sense, but others may not have known. Also, I will include, of course, some observations on parenthood as an insight to those of you who are looking ahead at parenthood. Lezgo.

1) Having a baby will get you to do things that you did not do before. For example, I take a lot of pictures now. Anyone who knows me knows that I hate pictures. But, I am always bustin' out the camera now. Also, with a child I have started reading fiction. I hate fiction with a passion. Why read it if it is not true? But, suffice it to say that the percentage of children's books that are nonfiction is scant. So, if I read to my daughter, it is probably fiction. I have tried reading her the book I am currently reading, MAO by Jung Chang, but she seemed to have no interest in learning how Mao manipulated and lied his way into power, the eventual violent takeover of China, the ousting of Chiang Kai Shek and the Nationalists to Taiwan, and the lies that Mao told the world to repair his image. She is more interested in the duck and the bunny who are best friends and hop and swim around. Maybe if MAO had more pictures. I don't know. Another thing I do now with a kid that I didn't do before is go to bed at 9:30. So tired.

2) Another thing I learned as a parent is that I need to invest heavily in lotion for my dry hands. I am constantly washing things, rinsing things off, doing dishes, doing laundry, wiping things up, etc. The hands are wet all day, which is not good for the moisture level in them. Lotion becomes my friend.

3) Diapers come in 72 packs at Wal-Mart. What a joke. The only feasible reason for that nonsense is that they want you coming into a Wal-Mart every 3 days. 72 diapers does not last very long. Especially when junior decides to go to the bathroom AGAIN directly after being changed. I swear I think she is messing with us most of the time.

4) I have discovered, since having offspring of my own, that all those people who I thought were obnoxious were right. My child IS INDEED cuter, smarter, stronger, funnier, and has a stronger sense of irony than every other kid on the planet...ever. I never knew that was true. I just thought the parents that thought their kid was the superlative in any category were annoying. But all this time they were telling the truth. Huh.

5) Since having a baby, you learn the origins of some words and phrases. Of course there are the obvious ones like smooth as a baby's bottom, baby soft, etc. But here is one of the lesser known phrases that was started by baby owners of the past. Rootin' Tootin'. Have you heard that phrase? Usually said with a western twang? Well, that phrase has its origin with babies. When the baby wakes up from her nap and is hungry and trying to work one out (if you know what I mean), she is lying on the floor doing two things: rootin' (she opens her mouth, turns her head, and sticks out her tongue as if she is trying to eat) and tootin' (happens when an air bubble in the bladder works its way out through...well you know what tootin' is). And that is where the phrase rootin' tootin' comes from.

6) There are times in a baby's day when she just does not want to sleep. Call it wake time, fussy time, whatever. It can be quite enjoyable and pleasant or it can be pure [Dante's favorite topic]. For example, wake time at 5 pm is a lot of fun. We can play with the babe, read her books, have her play fetch with the dog, etc. But, fussy time at 1 am...not so fun. You are too tired to read another book about puppies and you are unamused that nothing seems to put your child to sleep.

7) I always thought that newborns only did four things: eat, sleep, poop, and cry. But, we have discovered that at 3 weeks newborns develop a 5th skill - being stubborn. Oh yeah. Stubborn. We can no longer impose our will on our own newborn. She no longer accepts whatever fate we choose for her. She grunts, kicks, and squawks until she gets her way (which by the way is the fate we chose for her - she just wants to do things her way). Like I said, stubborn.

Well, that is it for now. As I learn more lessons, I will pass them along. Kevin Jensen out.

Chanson du Jour

How about a little Indian Reservation by Paul Revere & The Raiders?

Chanson du Jour

I heard today's song on the radio this weekend and it inspired the theme for this week: 70s week.

Riddle: What do you get when you combine kids being grinded into sausage, daydreaming, and a bunch of kids going T.A.P.S. on their school?

Answer: Another Brick In The Wall by Pink Floyd


And remember, no dark sarcasm in the classroom. If I've said it once I've said it a million times.

By the way, I am very nervous about 70s week because I have no idea what kind of videos I will find. I don't think video recording technology existed in the 70s, so please bear with me this week.

Chanson du Jour

Skinny Bones by The Ditty Bops

Chanson du Jour

When asked to name some of his favorite bands, Thom Yorke (of Radiohead fame) listed Sparklehorse at the top of the list. I would have to agree. Here is Saturday by Sparklehorse.

Chanson du Jour

An unofficial video, but it works. We Used To Be Friends by The Dandy Warhols

Vincent Dooly Is Back

Yes, much to the chagrin of Anonymous, we have more Vincent Dooly videos. I think this guy is hilarious. I don't know. I just do.

Do You Like Waffles?

I like French Toast.


If you thought the Chimpanzee riding on a segway song was bad and addictive...how you like them waffles? Parry Gripp is awesome. This is just more proof.

Oh Man, Do I Feel Better Now!

I have had a struggle in my life for years that did not get resolved until the other night. I mean, this has really bugged me. For years! Let me explain. It is no mystery that, politically, I am a conservative. But what you may not know is that I am a huge fan of Robin Hood. Yeah, Robin Hood. You heard me. I love Robin Hood. What a guy. Anyways. I have struggled for years with the fact that Robin Hood "takes from the rich and gives to the poor". Sounds like Obama and other Democrats and Socialists. Take from those evil rich people and give to the poor. So, my struggle has been this. If Robin Hood is such a great guy, and he takes from the rich and gives to the poor, then why am I not a Democrat? Why don't I believe in that philosophy? What is wrong with me? Do I hate poor people? Is my affinity for Robin Hood phony? Do I just think I like Robin Hood when in fact I hate everything he stands for? You see the dilemma.

So, the other night it was time for a movie. With the new baby and all, I have decided to take it easy on the Coen brothers and brush up on my Disney movies. You know, for kids! So, I put in, of course, Robin Hood. The Disney animated version where he is a fox and Friar Tuck is a badger. Weird, I know. But, I love that movie and I am glad I watched it because my heart was put at ease. In the movie Robin Hood steals from the rich and gives to the poor. But, who are the rich? Oil executives? AIG executives? Doctors? Lawyers? George Soros? Al Gore? No, no, no, no, no, no. The "rich" is the overtaxing government. Robin Hood is against high taxes. Robin Hood is aware that high taxes affect ALL PEOPLE in a society. Robin Hood stole from the government. He took the people's money back from the government. ROBIN HOOD IS A CONSERVATIVE!!!! Oh man, I was so relieved. I am not a bad person. I really do like Robin Hood. And, most importantly, I am like Robin Hood. Down with high taxes. Down with wealthy, big government. Give the money back to the people. Hooray for Robin Hood!

Chanson du Jour

Yo La Tengo has been on the same record label as Pavement for years. I have never really been that big of a fan because their sound is quite boring, but this video is hilarious. So here is Sugarcube by Yo La Tengo


I apologize for posting a song that I don't really like, but the video was too good to pass up. I will recover tomorrow.