Celebrity Bowling Competition

I was channel surfing today and I came across a celebrity bowling match on ESPN. I didn't get to see who all participated because I joined in at the end, but it looks like Bill Murray and Woody Harrelson were duking it out in the finals. Here is the video which I recorded on my VCR (man, I love technology). Enjoy.



Ok. Ok. So, maybe I don't have TV, therefore I can't watch ESPN. And maybe this is a clip from Kingpin. But, it is funny nonetheless. Even without the context. Just Bill Murray's hair and facial expressions are funny enough.

Chanson du Jour

The impeccable, incredible, indelible, infallible, indubitable, inflatable, international, inflammable, institutional, inspirational, immovable, Mason Jennings.

Mason Jennings - Fighter Girl

Another Great Joke

I love to read. Not books. They are way too long. I mentally check out after about 3 minutes so anything that cannot be read in that amount of time is right out. Magazines, news stories, nonfiction (even some nonfiction books), sports stories, etc are all fair game. As part of this love of reading (briefly) I am a voracious reader of 2 of the top 3 publications in the world today: The New England Journal of Medicine and The Reader's Digest. Note: Highlights magazine is the 3rd top publication, but I find it juvenile and simple. But, I can never find all the differences between the two pictures. It drives me crazy.

Here is a joke I read in this month's Reader's Digest. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.


A mobster discovers that his deaf accountant has cheated him out of ten million bucks. He confronts him, bringing along an interpreter. "Ask him where the money is," the mobster says.

The interpreter does so and the accountant signs back, "What are you talking about?"

The interpreter tells the godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The mobster puts a pistol to the bookkeeper's head. "Ask him again!"

The interpreter signs, "He'll kill you if you don't tell him!"

"Okay, okay!" the bookkeeper signs back. "The money is buried behind the shed in my cousin Enzo's backyard!"

"What'd he say?" asks the don.

"He says you don't have the guts to pull the trigger."

What Is Wrong With This?

Today, Cami and I found a newspaper clipping announcing my birth. It is unclear what newspaper it was, but it was probably the New York Times or something like that. But, there was one glaring error with the announcement. See if you can find it.

KEVIN JENSEN

A son (check) weighing 9 pounds 3 ounces (check) was born April 7 in Vallejo General Hospital to Mr. and Mrs. Bruce Jensen of 444 Corcoran Ave. (check, check, check).

The baby has been named Kevin Scott Jensen (check) and has a brother, Stacy (what?).

A brother named Stacy huh? Maybe I will get to meet him one day. I have heard of this mystical creature. But, my parents wanted to shield me from all bad influences. Rumor has it that my brother Stacy has quite the potty mouth and many character flaws. Thanks to my parents for shielding me from such a shady character.

But, now that I am a reasonably responsible semi-adult about to have a baby of my own (well not me, my wife), I feel it is now time to track down my older brother Stacy and meet him. Maybe I can help get him back on course. Maybe he has extra money I can have. Maybe he works on an admissions committee somewhere. Regardless, I need to meet him so I can complete my nuclear family.

Any news or tips would be greatly appreciated. I will post a picture of me so you can show my brother that I truly exist. Please carry it around asking everyone about my brother. With y'all's help we can find him in less than 30 years I believe.

Sincerely,

Kevin Scott Jensen (concerned younger brother to an older brother Stacy)

Chanson du Jour

The original bassist for Weezer was only with the greatest band ever for two albums. After Pinkerton, Matt Sharp left the band to start his own band The Rentals. This was back around 1996. Enjoy Waiting.

Notre Dame

Well, here is the deal with Notre Dame. They have a lot of things going for them. Strength of schedule? Check. They had to play all three acadamies! National exposure and big time games? Check. At least 30 people watch their games every week as NBC lights millions of dollars on fire. Tradition? Check. BCS league? Don't need one. They are just that good.

The only thing that will keep them from the championship game this year in not the 6-5 record. It is the fact that not even their fans like the team this year. Yes, it was a HOME GAME when the fans were throwing snowballs at the Notre Dame players as they lost to Syracuse (and yes Syracuse does have a football team; and no, Carmelo Anthony does not play on it). So, that will keep them out of it this year, Anonymous.

Unofficial. Moderately funny. Extremely Accurate.

Confusion Alleviation Session

College football is winding down to a close. Hallelujah. It can't happen fast enough for me. But, that is neither here nor there. It looks like, once again, the NCAA and BCS are going to have a messy mess on their hands. For example, there is only one BCS team that is still undefeated, Alabama. Hopefully that stays that way and half of the Championship game is decided. But, UT beat OU then TTech beat UT then OU beat TTech. So which is better? Who is worthy of the championship? Florida lost to Ole Miss. OLE MISS!!! Are they worthy? Should Ole Miss go with a record of 7-4? Doubt it. USC lost to Oregon State, but that is their only loss. Are they worthy? Utah is undefeated, but not in a "BCS Conference". Are they worthy? If they are worthy, why are Boise State and Ball State (the two BSUs) not worthy?

You see the problem. Everyone knows that they look at records, strength of schedule, whether the loss was at home or away, what part of the season the loss was in, etc. But, many people are still confused and debating about who should be in the BCS championship game as it currently stands. Luckily I have a friend on the BCS committee that has given me some of the other criteria and he has said I can share them on the blog since no one reads this garbage anyway.

Let me iron this out for you who are confused.

Ball State will never play for a National Championship as long as their mascot is the Cardinals. That is ridiculous. They are out. Boise State? They are from Idaho. Now, there is nothing wrong with Idaho (I mean it is perfectly cold and barren), but let's get serious. Idaho is not really known for its football. Plus the field is blue, so they are out. Florida? What a frustrating team that is to watch. They have great talent and coaching, but lose at least one game every year. They always argue they are the best. WELL WIN ALL YOUR GAMES THEN!!!! Let us not forget the constant plight of the Gator fan:"But we are in the SEC and it's hard". Cry me a river. Win! But, the thing that excludes them from the Championship is the fact that the school cafeteria no longer serves Chicken Cordon Bleu. That is absurd. They are out.

OU? Best fight song. Most obnoxious coach. Most drunk fans. All good things that make me feel they should play for the championship. And even though they had the highest percentage of Republican voters in the last election, the fact that the Oklahoma state bird is the Scissor-Tailed Flycatcher rules out OU and any other school in Oklahoma. UT? They don't get into the Championship because their "superstar" quarterbacks have included Major Applewhite, Vince Young, and Chris Sims. Not too promising for ol' Colt McCoy now is it? TTech? Really? You didn't think Tech would be playing for the championship did you? Utah? I will refrain from comment on this one.

You can see how this is more complicated than anyone ever imagined. Alabama is even going to be ruled out of the Championship game because they cancelled their Latin program saying it is a "dead language". In fact, the NCAA no longer recognizes 'Bama as a University because of this.

The Ruling:
We are going to watch the no-win Washington Huskies duke it out with the 2-win Washington State Cougars so that national attention is drawn to the dismal years those two are having. But, hey they will make $10 million out of it. Who needs dignity anyway?

My New Hero

No, not Barry Manilow. That would be ridiculous. Barry Manilow is my old hero. My new hero is Municipal Judge Paul Sacco of Fort Lupton, Colorado. He has decided that an appropriate punishment for noise violators in his city is to sit in a room for hours and listen to "music they don't like" including Barney the dinosaur and Barry Manilow. Now that is awesome.

Uhhh...Melo?

Where you going Smalls? You forgot to turn. Smalls?

Chanson du Jour

In honor of their third full-length album being released yesterday, here is a great tune from Las Vegas' The Killers. An awesome combination of the sights from my mission and the sounds from after it. Enjoy Read My Mind