Translation: Democrat to American

In case you were not aware, we had a great and historic election in 2008. A hotly contested battle between McLame and Obama that ended with Obama getting 53% of the vote and McOld getting 46%. I am one of the 57 million Americans that voted (begrudgingly) for McDemocrat. My team lost (make no mistake though, I lost when McDork won the nomination - how, I will never know). Now, those of you who know me know that I am not a poor loser. In fact I am quite a good loser. Years of practice have really molded me into a gracious, if not undaunted, loser.

So, after the election, I started to look for the good in Obama and the Demoloons. I tried to put aside my disinterest of the poor, minorities, women, and sick children that we conservatives have and look at the situation objectively. The results of my research are quite surprising. The only reason that 100% of the American people did not jump on the Obama cultwagon was that they simply do not understand Democrat. It was a language issue! I was astounded at this. So, I have put together a translation of this foreign (to some of us) language into American. I hope this clarifies things so we can all become Democrat.

First, let's start with some simple vocabulary that may need clarification.

1. progressive = liberal (progressive just sounds better; no one wants to be liberal, but everyone wants to be progressive - like Radiohead)
2. African-American = 1/2 black and 1/2 white; us Americans think of African-American as one of African descent who is now an American. Silly us
3. Lobbyists = Anyone who deals with the Republican Party; there are no lobbyists on the Democrat side. Are you starting to see now?
4. Middle Class = Those under the poverty line; everyone else are "the rich"; alternate meaning for "the rich" is Republican (Hollywood types and other famous libs are not "rich" because they care)
5. Tax cuts for the middle class = $1000 "tax rebate" check to the people that pay no taxes (this is an extension on the definition of "middle class")
6. bipartisan = Republicans agreeing with Democrats (never the reverse)

OK, now that we have some terms down, let's look at some things going on in the Obama administration. I will put the event in italics and the explanation in regular type. I hope this is helping. Here we go.

1. The vote on the stimulus package in the House was partisan - the vote against the bill had support from both Democrats and Republicans (bipartisan in American) and the vote for the bill had only support from Democrats; so, since the Republicans did not agree with the Democrats, according to definition #6 above, the vote cannot be bipartisan
2. Geithner, Daschle, and Killefer don't pay taxes - Democrats are ok with raising taxes because they just don't pay them. This one is really quite simple once it is translated.
3. Obama puts dozens of former lobbyists in his White House despite campaign promises not to do that - Lobbyists are defined by Obama and the Dems (check definition above for general rule); if they say so-and-so is not a lobbyist, they are not a lobbyist. End of discussion.
4. The definition of global warming changes to "climate change" as the earth cools - were there more or less hurricanes this year than last? if so, climate change. were there more or less floods than last year? if so, the climate has changed. Also, since CO2 is a global warming causing gas, no one can exhale and we can all watch the plant life on earth die. Have fun.
5. Stimulus bill to create 3-4 million jobs has hundreds of billions of dollars of pork in it - anything that supports liberal ideology is considered stimulus for the economy (i.e. birth control for Nigeria and inner city kids, $ to fight STDs, $ for National Endowment for the Arts, etc.- all these things will create jobs and stimulate the economy)
6. Obama appears on Al-Jazeera TV, but not FoxNews - Hannity is the enemy, not Al-Qaeda
7. Gitmo is closed for good but no Republicans voted for the stimulus bill - the new administration is willing to listen to terrorists and Iran, but not the Republicans

I hope these findings are as helpful to you as they were to me. Once you understand what the Dems are saying, what they are doing makes perfect sense. If you only speak American, it would seem that they are lying, hypocriting, and deceiving, but with proper knowledge of their language, it is clear that they are just doing what is best for the American people. Enjoy your day.