Hallowho?

Well, we finally made it. Past the worthless celebration of Halloween, that is. I have not been a fan of Halloween my whole life. So this year, I decided to reflect on why I don't enjoy dressing up in odd costumes and begging my neighbors for tooth decay and an early death. Here is what I came up with.

1) When I was little, my mom dressed me up like a clown not realizing I was terrified of clowns - hence, I scared myself upon looking in the mirror causing deep scars that have not only not healed, but got worse after seeing It on subsequent Halloweens
2) My only good memories of trick-or-treating came when Halloween was on a Monday. Then I could catch part of the Monday Night Football game at each house
3) I worked so hard to get a pillowcase full of candy that my dad then ate (not the pillowcase, the candy)
4) My parents don't like Halloween
5) I had to stay home and hand out candy when I hit the age of 6 because I was "too old for trick-or-treating". Then I got to hear about the candy my friends got and had to explain to them that trick-or-treating is for kids, so I didn't go
6) My mom told me that all the candy I got was poisoned
7) Who likes being scared anyway?
8) I would always get a napkin, ice cream, and mashed potatoes on my first draw which never ended up very pretty for me (that is an inside joke for family only)
9) Having long legs, all costumes on me make me look like I am waiting for a flood forcing me to go to all Halloween costume events as "the nerd", which is not good for anyone's self esteem let alone someone who also fits every other description of a nerd
10) If it weren't for Halloween, retail stores could start selling Christmas stuff in September, which I believe everyone agrees, can only be a good thing
11) Most importantly, it is not Thanksgiving, the best day of the year

I hope that settles it. And if I have converted anyone to being a Halloween Scrooge then the 3 minutes it took to write this post as my wife sleeps on the couch will be well worth it. Peace.